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When life hits hard…

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He gave bitter accounts of what he termed the wife’s infidelity and verbal insensitivity to his ordeals.The ordeal? He’s been battling diabetes that he is genetically disposed to, which also affected his sexual performance. He also mentioned that he found a way to pleasure his woman by giving “head” and fingering.According to him, prior to his sexual challenge….their marriage was most peaceful. And they led a comfortable life.

MY RESPONSE…
Your health challenge (and the resultant effect on your sex life) is a huge HIT from life. A lot of us do not know how to handle certain challenges.What your wife is doing may not be out of sheer meanness but a NEGATIVE way of handling the challenges in her hands.Here, we trust our “head” to be able to take all that life throws at us, but the developed world already understands that a lot of situations/ experiences are capable of traumatising the human mind and have made counseling/psychotherapy an integral aspect of social development.

I have seen a lot in human affairs to make me lower my “stool of judgment” considerably. The human nature/mind is a lot more fragile than we can ever imagine.That is why ESCAPISM (extra-marital affairs, drugs, alcoholism, gambling, etc) is often the first reaction from most people when life happens to them.I am saying that you should also see things as your wife (probably) needing help to enable her manage the challenges that stares your marriage in the face.

A lot of the times we condemn people for being this and that…are (actually) them handling situations that task every fiber of their being- poorly. That’s not who they are.Always determine where the other party’s reaction is coming from… emotional helplessness or some determination to send you to hell? Her disposition in all these is probably out of frustration/helplessness.

Do you know what it means to be confronted by a problem that you can’t even open up to anybody about, lest your image takes a hit? Is it also possible she is angry that you knew the issue runs in the family (genetics) and yet concealed it from her?We preach SACRIFICE on the part of spouses…especially when life happens. But, also make it easy for another to really stand by you whole-heartedly. Total disclosure (of personal issues) is a MUST!

Sometimes, it is our perception of issues that spells how grave or otherwise that issue is. You have mostly looked at all these with a VICTIM MENTALITY.I want you to begin to look at the issue as a PROCESS that you and your wife need to undergo to find balance in your marriage again. She needs time to accept the reality of the moment. You also need all the support you can get. Whoever understands more should be more patient…as the other comes around.

You and your wife need professional counseling/help. If you need to bring in your priest/Pastor for more emotional support…please go ahead.With TIME…your wife will come around. What is happening to her is that she is running away from the reality that is threatening her idea of an “ideal” marriage. Her being is not ready to accept this reality but with SUPPORT (via counseling)…she will come around eventually.

No sane woman will throw away the wonderful family that God has blessed you both with, for an erect d*ck.On your own part, please dust your feet and stand tall again…even in your challenges. I didn’t read that you struggle to put food on your family’s table. Or that sending your kids to school is a problem. I read that your marriage used to be enviable.

I also read that you are worth your salt…profession/career wise. Some people have all the material blessing and good health, yet their marriage is HELL. If that woman gave you so much happiness in the past, it means she is not a bad person. She is just handling a challenging situation negatively and it can happen to anybody.

Give her time. Monitor/police her less. Focus more on WHOLESOME HEALTH PRACTICES…exercise, healthy lifestyle/diet, etc. This is also the time to throw yourself deeper into your profession. Be more successful in your career endeavours. Keep at your personal relationship with God. Embrace humanity (charity, fairness in your dealings with others, etc), more.

When your life is filled with POSITIVITY…you notice issues that will weigh your spirit down, less. You are not struggling to have kids. If your woman insists on ‘trying’ her luck out there, let her be…nobody will tell her that an erect d*ck is NOT all there is to being a MAN. Sexual satisfaction is a destination that has no one route to. You have done well by seeking out other methods of pleasuring her.


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Chukwuneta Oby
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