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When ‘sense of duty’ kicks in…


couples in a relationship PHOTO:Pixabay

The message from him reads…
“The lady that I am considering a future with, neither goes to the market nor cooks.We have been together for about 10 months and the only time she goes to the kitchen is when she wants to warm the soup/stew that a cook delivered to her. Or when she wants to boil rice/prepare ‘swallow’.

“Most times when we are together…I handle our breakfast. Initially, I thought her demanding job was the issue, but as time went on…I began to realize that she just doesn’t like it. She has a cook whom she pays to cook whatever she desires to eat and deliver to her. The same woman (or the driver) attends to her household shopping. Other times, she (my woman) shops online.

“I love this woman and I want us to belong together in the future, but this side of her lifestyle worries me.I am OK with the paid help that comes to clean the house and all, but this other non-domestic aspect of her worries me. I come from a very traditional home. And I know there are times my people may have cause to visit our home…how does one explain this?

“What if we go home and she is expected to make a meal for my parents? My mother is a medical doctor while my father is a lecturer, but she dutifully attended to the family meals while we grew up…until my sisters became of age and took over.

“Aside from this aspect of her, I am OK with the rest of her. I just love that ‘ordinary’ touch to my life. That is how my parents brought us up. She keeps saying “if I can afford not to do it, why should I do it?’’Please do you see this as an issue that will be a big deal in the future?’’

From Oby …
When it is said that one of the challenges of the modern woman is successfully running a home while still giving the needed attention to her career, this issue about your woman is an example.It is easy to compare things to the days of our mothers but you must understand that life wasn’t as daunting then. It was rather the standard then and it was unthinkable not to fall in line in those days.

Some of us that do it do so because of limited choices. Others do so because they LOVE or WANT to.But majority do so because they HAVE to. Yet…falling into any of the categories doesn’t make anybody a more or lesser wife material.It’s about how each is managed, especially through SUPPORT, and the BALANCE that should be brought into the setting. The times we live in don’t require absolutes in our approach to issues. There should be flexibility.

Especially when one realizes that a lot of these things are also part of the SCHOOL OF LIFE.
…the encounters and experiences, generally.May we be rightly guided in the ‘values’ that we are quick to run with. Where going to the market or cooking is a chore to someone, it is actually a hobby to another. The rest of us fall in between…sometimes, it’s a chore that just needs to be done. Other times…you are looking forward to it.

Personally, it is unthinkable not to handle my own ‘market going’ when I have to cook. Every time I find myself in the market, it’s always a whole new experience. From the friendly banters, to the ‘FOODIE ideas’ that suddenly strike as one comes across a foodstuff and the sometimes frustrating market environment.

Sometimes, you want to cook. Other times, you crave the meal from someone else. BALANCE once again is key! I also know that there are efforts that your fondness for a loved one makes you not mind making. But it is good that when such efforts are made, they are understood and appreciated for what they are… LABOUR OF LOVE.

Encouragement (and NOT comparison) achieves a better purpose in relationships.You also watch out for traits such as SENSE OF DUTY in whoever you are involved with. Only someone with a sense of duty rolls up the sleeves when the need arises. Not necessarily because
what needs to be done is a hobby.

As for the rest of what I have to say… Marriage naturally wakes most people up, but only if such persons have a sense of duty.At the end of the day, when it comes to domestic matters, everyone has favourites and least favourites.But when a SENSE OF DUTY kicks in…you do what you have to do- to keep the wheel of harmony moving.And what you HAVE to do isn’t necessarily what you LIKE to do.

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