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Why you could be single…

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Has it ever occurred to some of us that we are still single because we (and NOT the people that we have had relationships with) could be the problem? If you’re still single but don’t want to be, here are issues you may need to deal with:

. You’re a control freak- Truth be told, the world and the people in it don’t live up to your expectations; if everyone would just behave the way you think they should, life would be perfect. So you get a little unpleasant when people disappoint you. Well, now you know how golden the rule of “live and let live’’ can sometimes be. Simply put, nobody wants to spend 50 years married to a spouse who can’t let you be the adult that you are supposed to be.

. You’re not together- You might think you’re just out there having a good time, but other people see it differently- excessive drinking, careless lifestyle, gambling, no steady source of livelihood, etc. Truth remains that no right-thinking person would envisage a lifetime commitment with someone who isn’t together. The average person seeks “security” in marriage and any chances of that being threatened, even in the remotest, gets ditched.

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. You’re high maintenance -Being a slay queen isn’t so bad if only you recognise that another shouldn’t fulfil your every wish and desire. You too can WORK to bring something to the table. Don’t live off anybody.

. Loose morals- If you’re having a lot of casual sex and thinking you’re going to eventually latch on to “the one” this way, you need to re-think. Recreational sex is labelled “recreational” for a reason. Your partner in this venture is not taking it seriously, and is not likely to call or text you until he or she is ready for another booty call. And marriage, no matter what you might have heard, is not an endless series of same-partner sexual encounters.

. You are yet to put on a reality-tinted glass- Your list of criteria for the perfect mate reads something like: tall, wealthy, good body, nice wardrobe, knows the difference between Monet and Manet. Left off your list are things like: honest, available for a relationship, open-minded, willing to compromise, and spiritual. In other words, your list of wants reads like a fairy-tale wish list. Well, you will see clearer with a glass bearing the reality of the times.

. You are with someone who wants someone else-Most people that are “searching” are continually searching for a spouse who is “out of their league,” so to speak. You want someone who’s better looking than you are, richer, from a better part of town, more cultured, and smarter. The problem is, that person is also searching for someone who is on the same social page with them also. Once you accept the fact that you are good enough exactly as you are, you can start looking for a relationship with someone who fits with you.

. You have not really prioritised your relationships-Dating research says that finding a mate can be a matter of sheer numbers. Unfortunately, many give up before they even socialise enough. Afterall, who needs all that coffee with people you don’t know but know you don’t like within 10 minutes? And what about all those dinners and movies with (un)likely partners, or, worse, with people that interest you but don’t call back?

The truth is that if you want to find a mate you need to date a lot and not be tied to the outcome of those dates, and you need to keep dating until someone reasonable shows up. And if you have socialised enough and nothing seems to be panning out, then it might be time for some therapy to get perspective on what you don’t see that others apparently do.

The good news here is that knowing what your issues are is half the battle. Once you start the process of accepting yourself as you are and looking realistically at what you’d like from a lifetime partner, you can start in earnest the process of finding that individual.

Yes, it might take some time, both the reality of most romantic relationships of this age is that you’ll probably kiss a few frogs (or is it frogettes?) along the way-but eventually you will find that special someone…especially if you are patient and mild- mannered enough.

And even though your eventual partnership may not end up leading to “happily ever after,” there’s a good chance that if you’ve dealt with your issues and located an individual who fits with you, that marriage can be for you, just like others who were in similar shoes found theirs…which is sometimes amazing, sometimes crazy, and most times “just good enough” but never perfect!

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In this article:
Chukwuneta Oby
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