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Women, please listen…

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This discourse was actually necessitated by a lady’s message to me, recently.
Read her first…
“Please, I want your view on an issue that is worrying me. When a man (that you are in a relationship with) often tells you about his sexual experiences with the ladies in his past…what message is he trying to pass across?

My fiancé reminisces about his sexual encounters with some ladies in his past a lot. Am I expected to take a clue from that and start behaving in same manner with him on the bed, too? I am asking because I have come across suggestions that a woman should learn to read a message that her man is trying to pass across through his body language.

We gist a lot but his words kind of make me feel inadequate.Like the day that he told me that he moans loudly during love-making and then he added, “and women don’t like it when I shout like that.’’It left me wondering how many other women there are in his life…besides me. It makes me feel as if he can’t get over those times and face his present.I like that he is open with me but deep down, they chip away at my self-esteem.
How should I handle this? ’’

FROM OBY…
Well, I have come to understand that part of the problem that people have in relationships is the inability to imagine themselves in the shoes of others. Otherwise, with certain GISTS…you first imagine being the “hearer” before deciding the appropriateness of such talks.Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. Someone who talks about a past more than he/she talks about the present has a part of them still living in that past. This could also be a case of mere flippancy…some people are that INNOCENTLY insensitive. Just a loose tongue and nothing to it.

You have to come into your own (as a woman) to be able to handle a relationship with a man, because, every now and then, settings will arise to shake your confidence or self-esteem. From his cute female colleagues at the workplace or business arena; the numerous travels he would undertake and the female acquaintances he would be meeting on such travels; female relatives of his friends, class mates and even those he meets on the social media, etc.

The best thing that any woman can do for herself is to first come into her own…warts and all. Otherwise, every disposition of a man, even innocent talks, will always leave you second- guessing your worth.

And that is how LOW SELF-ESTEEM snowballs.
One of the ways to take charge of your sanity and peace of mind in the world that we live in today is to control the vibes around you. That should include the kind of things you let yourself listen to and who you let into your personal space. Of what use is listening to a gist that continually makes you feel inadequate?

Next time…Jokingly say to him…”well, I am now the woman in your present and future, let’s put all past issues behind us. Learn to make do with the style that I also bring into ‘bed matters’.’’

You kind of dismiss it off-handedly. But if he doesn’t get the joke and repeats it …you communicate your reservations to him more sternly. And make him understand you prefer to listen to other aspects of his past, but not his sexual escapades with women. How insensitive!

This is the problem with some men…
Your woman is NOT “one of the boys’’ and isn’t emotionally prepared to handle certain gists.Sometimes, help protect your woman’s emotions through the things you say to her. Talking about past sexual dalliances isn’t a proper way to bond with your woman. If you feel she is wanting in the bedroom…DIRECTLY guide her. That is a more mature approach.

Ladies…
I can assure you that the talks that enable bonding in couples don’t always have to do with lurid accounts of a party’s sexual escapades of the past.
So, don’t feel guilty protecting your emotional health…however you deem fit.And when it comes to protecting your emotional health…certain efforts should be deliberate. What’s important is that you let yourself listen to what you can handle, especially from your man.

The “boys” are there in the life of every man for certain gists. Just like every woman should have girl- friends for certain purposes. This is the reason it’s not emotionally healthy to heap all your friendship needs on a spouse.In conclusion, take his words for what they are…mere gists. And nothing serious. But henceforth decide how much of such talks happen between you two. There are more important things to explore in the bedroom, frankly!


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