Including women in leadership is essential to achieving equality. It is not that women are better than men or that women will necessarily make better leaders, it is simply that women are human and make up half the world’s population and have historically been unfairly excluded.

Those were the words of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, the globally celebrated Nigerian writer, during her speech on women in leadership position at the Johns Hopkins University SAIS Washington DC Campus in the United States in 2023.

It’s been approximately three years since that speech, and looking back it still feels fresh and relevant especially at this time in Nigeria when women and the girl children still have to climb all the way to break glass ceilings in all ramifications of their lives before they are seen, heard and allowed a space in leadership or any front row at all.

The question however is, who installed the glass ceilings of restriction and limitation? Do men climb all the way up to shatter glass ceilings before they take up leadership positions? Are there even glass ceilings for men?

Leadership comes as a birthright for men and this why women like Adichie lend their voices to advocate for women equality – the right to be treated as a fellow human being without gender barriers.

Adichie can be likened to the one woman who goes everywhere in the world doing good for women by correcting and sensitising the notion that a woman should be restricted or limited based on gender.

Thus, when Yale College became one of the destinations, Adichie advised young women never to apologise for existing, or for taking up space in the world, or for having a well-considered opinion.

She said: “I say this particularly to women whom socialisation teaches us to shrink ourselves as though our responsibility is never first to ourselves but always to others and we end up sometimes feeling guilty for wanting the things we want, for wanting to be our own selves first.

“The messages that society sends us can be conflicting, that tension between telling you to value yourself; that you matter. And then the other message that tells you to put other people first and to serve.

“It is possible, it is necessary that you find a balance between the two, but you will have to figure it out yourself. But if I can offer a useful guiding principle, it is this: you do not have to make room in your life for people who wish you harm,” she said.

Every Woman Should have Genuine Support System
A woman with no support system may never find a ladder to climb all the way to the glass ceilings of restrictions and limitations. Every woman, actually, every human being needs a genuine friend – a genuine support system.

This is why Adichie spoke about the importance of friendship and connections. She said: “Have friends, many friends or just one friend. Hold your family close. Family doesn’t necessarily mean those to whom you’re related by blood or by social institution. Hold your friends close. Stand up for your loved ones.

Tell the people you love that you love them –tell them often. Find reasons to laugh. Gravitate towards people with whom you never feel that pressure to perform or to be what you’re not.”

She also spoke about the necessity to openly compliment people you admire. “One of the tenets I try to live by is never admire quietly. If I admire something about someone, I let them know. We do not always recognise what is beautiful in ourselves, in our spirits until somebody has pointed it out to us. And remember, that people will hardly ever forget small acts of kindness. I remember once during a public event, I was exhausted, I was a little grumpy, actually I was very grumpy and I was surrounded by people none of whom seemed to see my exhaustion. And then my friend sort of looked at me and said she’s tired. I almost burst into tears because I felt so wonderfully seen by her.

“Be kind. Paying attention is one of the most beautiful acts of kindness. The people you will come across in your life will not forget when you’re kind and they will not forget when you’re unkind.”

Self-love as an important factor in a woman’s life
The most important thing in the world is love. Girls are often raised to see love as only giving. Women are praised for their love when that love is an act of giving. But to love is to give and to take.

This was Adichie’s take on the imposed concept of love on women. She urged women to love by giving and taking.

“Give and be given. If you’re only giving and not taking, you’ll know. You’ll know from that small and true voice inside you that we females are so often socialised to silence. Don’t silence that voice. Dare to take.

“I wish that it is easier for people to have self-love especially women. I was loved. I am loved. I had the best parents in the world so I do not need to campaign for your love. I don’t need to change myself for you. If you like me I am happy that you like me, if you don’t like me I am still me.”

Disservice of raising girls to cater to the egos of men
Intentional parenting comes to play when parents understands the necessity to raise their sons and daughters appropriately.

According to Adichie, “we do a great disservice to boys in how we raise them. We stifle the humanity of boys. We define masculinity in a very narrow way. Masculinity becomes this hard, small cage and we put boys inside the cage. We teach boys to be afraid of fear. We teach boys to be afraid of weakness and vulnerability.”

She however noted that the society do much greater disserve to girls by raising them to cater to the fragile egos of men. “We teach girls to shrink themselves – to make themselves smaller. We say to girls: you can have ambition but not too much. You should aim to be successful but don’t be too successful otherwise you will threaten the man. If you are the breadwinner in your relationship with a man you have to pretend that you’re not especially in public, otherwise you will emasculate him. But what if we question the premise itself?”

Why should woman’s success be a threat to man?
What if we decide to simply dispose of that word emasculation? Adichie queried.

She said: “A Nigerian acquaintance once asked me if I was worried that men will be intimidated by me. I was not worried at all – in fact, it had not occurred to me to be worried because a man who will be intimidated by me is exactly the kind of man I would have no interest in.”

Pressuring the girl child to measure up to societal expectations
We teach girls to be likable, to be nice, to be false – this is dangerous. Adichie implore parents and guidance never to put pressure on their daughters.

“Many sexual predators have capitalised on this. Many girls remain silent when abused because they want to be nice. Many girls spend too much time trying to be nice to people who do them harm. Many girls think of the feelings of those who are hurting them. This is the catastrophic consequence of likability.

“Young girls receive these societal messages telling them that they have to be likable – that they have to reduce themselves – that they have to in many ways disavow their success or their ambition.

“And so, I find it to be conflicting. How a woman is supposed to show ambition and confidence and strength and at the same time follow the societal rule of likability?

“This is why it is imperative to teach girls that they are not mere objects to be liked or disliked but that they themselves are subjects who can like or dislike. Never, ever accept because you are a woman as a reason for doing or not doing anything.

“Be kind because kindness is a measure of our humanity but do not be nice. Nice means wanting always to be liked. Nice means silencing inconvenient truth. Nice means choosing always to be comfortable. Nice means letting go of courage. Nice means talking about peace but not about justice. Nice will not remake the world and there is so much about our world that needs remaking.”

Be sceptical of perfection
The Longing for perfection will hold you back. It doesn’t help any cause to start with perfection as yardstick.

Here, Adichie emphasised on the danger of seeking perfection. “Please be sceptical of perfection, because perfection is among other things utterly boring. I am convinced of this because I have learned from literature that there is no such thing as a perfect human being. We do not need to be perfect before we are able to do what is right.”

Feminism is not to be wicked
It is impossible to truly talk about attaining gender equality without feminism. Perhaps, this is why Adichie in 2012 TEDxEUston talk said “We should all be feminists” which was later published as an essay in 2014.

However, to use feminism as a yardstick for wickedness and maliciousness is unacceptable because the concept of ‘feminist’ in its true sense means being human.

This is why in another presentation, Adichie shuns the act of some Nigerian feminists who uses feminism to justify their wickedness. She said: “Sometimes, some of these young women when you’re talking to them they sound really mean and I say this isn’t feminism, you’re just really nasty. There are people I meet for whom my kindness comes as a surprise because I’m a feminist. And I say yes, actually feminists are kind, we’re human.”