Ladies…Never make a man your financial plan

Albert Einstein once said, “If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things”. If a woman wishes to be fulfilled, stable, wealthy and happy in life, she must never make men her financial plan. In her best-selling book, Rich Woman, that I will recommend for all young ladies and women out there, Kim Kiyosaki said: “A man is not a financial plan”.

Some young ladies design their lives around men. The man is their ‘bank’, salary, business, their money spinning venture, their career, occupation and ATM machine! Such young ladies normally end up becoming miserable in life. Men can complement in many ways but no woman must make a man her source of wealth. God is your Source. Don’t ever build your life around a man, no matter how much you are involved in his life. Don’t lose yourself in a bid to find someone else. A lady that builds her life around a man has pitiably marked herself for a journey to oblivion.

“How shall I ever learn who I am when there is so much of me that belongs to someone else?”-Madeline Claire Franklin
One of the most fascinating and inspiring stories of “beauty and brain” is that of the literary giant, author, storyteller and astute writer, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. She is a woman that I have come a long way to respect her ideologies and highly cerebral belief in the word-feminism. She is an epitome of natural beauty and simplicity, in the age where there is mad rush to look like someone else, she stands out as a model of unadulterated beauty; a true African queen with a flawless and radiant beauty. It is vividly obvious that her real sparkle comes from somewhere deeper inside, somewhere so pure, authentic and real.

Chimamanda has both in beauty and writings proved to the world that authentic things need no gloss, polish or glitter to shine. Her life preaches the truth that every woman can aspire to become the best version of herself. She has become a true and authentic model of the word ‘feminism’ while some ladies have allowed preying men to destroy the feminist potentials in them.

“Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option”- Maya Angelou
In her international best-selling book, WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST, Chimamanda hit the nail on the head to encourage women on the reason why they should never shrink themselves for any man: “We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls: ‘You can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful. Otherwise, you will threaten the man.’ Because I am female, I am expected to aspire to marriage. I am expected to make my life choices, always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. Now, marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support, but why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same?”

In summary of a life that he mentored from a distance, the legendary Nigerian writer, Chinua Achebe once said, “Adichie came almost fully made.”
“Don’t lose yourself trying to be everything to everyone”-Tony Gaskins

One of the most radical and controversial women in the world, Lady Gaga, said: “Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your dream will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.” By building a life and lifestyle around our values, we create a life that is more satisfying, meaningful and fulfilling. The best self-image is not the one that is attached to another man; it is the one that is internally motivated! The only thing some people have is the ‘wayward’ men in their lives; they lack intrinsic worth. Your self-worth and not the one derived from others is your net-worth.

“Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.” – Bruce Lee
One of the defining truths of life is that no man will value you more than you value yourself. Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. You are not a “domestic appendage”, always be a first-rate version of yourself instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. Don’t go around in a way that men will see you as a liability. You are an asset. As a lady, you must be able to earn your own living and pay your own way. If you don’t like being a doormat then get off the floor!

I would also like to encourage parents to instill confidence into their girl-child because the way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice. We must help them to develop their self-esteem. Teach them never to walk in any man’s shadow because once they know their worth, nobody can make them feel worthless.

“When you learn how much you are worth, you will stop giving people discounts!”-Anonymous
Theodor Adorno said, “In the age of the individual’s liquidation, the question of individuality must be raised anew.” So many young ladies have liquidated themselves to build their life around a man. We should stop buying into the myth that only a life built around a man means a better life. It is a blatant lie. Your self-worth, personal development, personal goals and relationship with God should be the object of your pursuit.

It is appalling to see how young ladies go into unholy lengths to get their lives wounded around a man while they constantly neglect their own personal development. The search for self-worth is not a man-phenomenon; a healthy self-esteem begins by finding what is indestructible inside, and then letting it be. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one”.

“Nothing is so necessary for a young man as the company of intelligent women.”- Leo Tolstoy
Roberts Liardon said, “An internal security will always produce an outward stability”. Stop depending on unsustainable life supporting system, be secured from within, and put more effort into building your self-esteem. Stop spending too much time on things that are ephemeral and transient. Many ladies have been psychologically battered and manipulated to believe that their worth is inferior to that of a man and I believe strongly that the level of ignorance that is ravaging young ladies needs to be urgently addressed before the victim’s doomsday.

“I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but it comes from within. It is there all the time.”-Anna Freud
I would like to reach out to all the young ladies and women out there with the words of Harvey Fierstein: “Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.” You are designed by God not to blend in, but to stand out. It’s not about being who everyone else wants you to be; it’s about being yourself and finding someone who loves every bit of it. By being yourself, you put something beautiful into the world that was not there before.

Your uniqueness is meant to be celebrated; don’t compromise who you are for people that refuse to accept your uniqueness; sooner or later, they will realize their folly and not yours. Don’t build your life around any man; build your life around your growth and your goals. You have a goldmine when you have a goal mind.