Mrs. Abimbola Dayo-Aiyetan holds a master’s degree in Information Science. She is the author of the book titled,
Woman to Woman, Let’s talk about it, through which she shares her thoughts and experiences on how to demystify some
of the societal and religious myths associated with singlehood, especially as it relates to ladies.
IN a society that frowns at singlehood and views unmarried adults as unserious lots, every marriageable single, especially ladies, desire to escape the stigmatisation of not being under “somebody’s roof,” even if they have to achieve that with the burden of having to go through all manners of maltreatment, just to be a “Mrs” somebody.
Having gathered experience in the school of waiting where she had to wait for 23 years for the right man to come her way, which led to her getting married in her mid-forties, Abimbola Dayo-Aiyetan put thoughts on paper in her book titled: Woman to Woman, Let’s talk about it, to demystify some of the societal and religious myths associated with singlehood especially as it relates with ladies.
The 168-page masterpiece discusses issues on relationship with God, which she said is more paramount for anyone who intends to make any headway in life, relationship with others, building up one’s career and character while the waiting lasts, and taking extra care not to become desperate due to societal and family pressure that could eventually lead to making a wrong choice of partner.
The author took a swipe at religious leaders on the way and manner some of them treat single ladies in their congregation. She wrote that “most congregations ostracise singles in the mode of planning their programmes, which most times are basically targeted at families and children.”
Looking through the prism of her own experience, Dayo-Aiyetan affirmed that the time she spent for God to bring His perfect will to her life was not a waste, adding that “God in His wisdom has specific reasons why He does whatever He pleases, including making people to wait on Him for the right partner.”
She said the society and faith-based organisations most times perceive the state of being single as a result of some past sins being paid for, result of a kind of spell which might require deliverance or that the people affected have one form of character deficiency or the other. All these, she said, had culminated in reasons why ladies become desperate and most time decides to marry whoever comes their way.
She advised singles to remain focused, develop themselves spiritually, socially, physically and emotionally while waiting. Written in simple language in a conversational style, the book x-rays the importance of holding on to God for as long as it takes.
Married at 44 years of age despite her giving her life to Christ at 18 years, the author debunked some belief systems that single ladies may have lived wayward lives in the past for them to find themselves having to wait a long time to marry. She suggested that most times, “God may want to mould human beings to his desired shape, hence the need to make them wait and trust in Him in other to learn patience and tolerance.”
“I didn’t know it then but now I know why I probably had to go through this long wait to attend the practical school of patience and tolerance and equally learn to see the funny side of life. I guess it was so, so that I will not mess up my marital destiny. In a way, the delay was food for me as I matured in patience, tolerance and longsuffering over the years as I grew into a mature woman.”
“Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying God will purposely delay marriage for you in order to change you, our God is not a manipulator. The thing is there’s always a learning curve in any situation of life that we go through and the victory of the situations are the lessons learned that will in turn impact positively on one’s life in the future,” she said.
The banker, singer, minister of the word and author advised: “Your identity should not be limited to only being a wife, so much that without the “Mrs” as a prefix to your name, you do not have any other identity. God has an assignment for you, discover who you are in Him, then indeed you shall be an effective helpmate to your husband. Don’t dwell in the doldrums waiting for Mr. Right. Keep busy, get engaged and build the gifts that God has deposited in you.”
Though the book which is accompanied by a two-track compact disk dwells on common challenges faced by both male and female singles, Dayo-Aiyetan, however, emphasised more on the female due to the fact that she had to wait for a life partner for 23 years and the experience she gathered during this period helped her to relate conveniently in the narrative of singlehood as it relates to ladies.
A corporate strategist and information management specialist by profession, the author challenges single ladies to continually build on their career while waiting rather than engaging in pity party.
She said: “Don’t let us waste our waiting period, let it be a purposeful season of our lives, living it to the fullest of God’s purpose for us. Also make God’s business your business in whatever capacity, in addition to your own dreams, no matter how small and see how He will make you His own business.”
She also discouraged ladies from turning themselves into an ATM or a bank vault for men, all in the need to get hooked to someone. Much as she said there is nothing wrong in assisting a man in one’s life financially, she said this should only be encouraged after the two people involved had been married because by then, they are seen as one and no abundance of money or lack of it should be a dividing factor between them.
She also warned against marrying out of desperation, out of pity or sympathy, fear of being alone and anxiety. According to her, all these are bound to return even after marriage, should one marry the wrong person.
“I married quite late having desired to be married since I was 21 and eligible to be, as a young graduate and Christian. The period between then and when I eventually married in my mid-forties which I refer to as my “waiting season” of marital fulfillment is a very defining part of my life which has contributed greatly in shaping me to be who I am today in terms of my purpose, vision, destiny, character and faith in God, among other things. I cannot talk about my life, where I’m coming from and where I am going to, without reference to this period of my life.
“It was a very interesting period of my life, over 21 years of waiting and waiting, while running the race of life. It was a period of expectations, loneliness, disappointment, adaptation to being a “mature single Christian woman,” fulfilling purpose, irrespective of being married or not, contending with the biological clock ticking, relationships etc. It’s all about encouragement, hope and keeping the faith, not just in waiting for a life partner, but also in any area of our lives, which we are trusting for fulfillment.”
She stated her purpose of writing the book thus: “My desire is that reading the book will encourage fellow sisters not give up, to continue holding on in their faith, no matter what the situation is, and that God is still in the business of answering prayers. Most importantly, not be discouraged but continue to make the most of this period of their lives in working towards fulfilling their destinies. This is the reason why the mode of writing employed is geared towards being real, practical, humorous and relatable in such a way that others can identify with.”
Dayo-Aiyetan also discussed extensively other areas including sexual immorality, which she opposed in strong terms. She said that casual sex should not be heard of among singles, especially Christians.
“In fact, a woman’s or man’s attitude towards sex is a realistic gauge of his/her level of fear and love for God; this is my own opinion. If you love God, you will obey His commandments.”
Dayo-Aiyetan advised strongly against allowing family and societal pressure to push one into an unwholesome marriage or tie down a man with an unwanted pregnancy. She said from her experience, she is convinced that God has some son of his somewhere on the planet for every single lady who had to wait on Him.