She may not like co-parenting with dad
Many women may not admit this, but they may not want their husbands to take much active part in raising their children. These are some reasons why you may not want your spouse to be so involved.
He Is Not Careful
You may worry that your husband is too relaxed towards parenting. He would not take prompt action when the child feels ill or even notice that the baby is not active as he used to be. He may not be strict enough with the children so that they do not take school’s homework seriously. From what you have observed, the children could play until late into the night, and he would allow them to. Dad, even when you know that you do not represent the type of father referred to above, do not be offended by her behaviour because you know that many women still think that men are not brought up to raise children. Some of you do help, but her training is that it is her job, and she does it better than you.
Now that she works outside the home, she wants to make sure that she should not be accused of neglecting her traditional role so she would rather do it herself.
People Will Think You Are Not A Good Mother
We grow up with the belief that women are the head of the family although we may not understand what we do as leaders in the home-front. In recent times when more women work outside the home the uncertainty that we may not be putting enough time in the home front has fuelled the feeling of guilt and insecurity concerning our children’s upbringing so much so that we feel that others are judging us.
When we feel unsure the result is conflict. We are never satisfied with what he has done. One woman went on a two-week working tour. She expected to meet a homefront that was totally chaotic; she was prepared to do the necessary cleaning up. Not only did she meet a clean home which ran smoothly with her husband and two daughters, the younger daughter bluntly told her that ‘mummy you should go again’; she was too strict because she wanted to be perfect, both at home and at work.
It appeared that mummy was a dragon, driving all with an iron hand. She has successfully put a plan that makes her home to work perfectly even when she is absent. Yet she did not realise it or she simply wanted more. But more was that she wanted to find fault with her husband’s care of the children and the home.
They’ll Love Him More
Parenting works more smoothly if the pair is involved. Unarguably a man could be more fun to the children. When he takes the time from his many interests to play with the children, he is seen as the knight. It is not so with mummy whose presence is taken for granted. You are always there to treat a bruised knee. And if it were any consolation, he would not go to Daddy with a bleeding toe, not while you are nearby. So when you add up all what you do, sharing your children’s love becomes difficult. And women do feel that their children’s love and loyalty should come to them first. We fear that we would be displaced by our husbands because we know that he can make any task enjoyable.
Unconsciously, we demand our children’s loyalty because, like sweet mother, we think that it is not possible to share their love after the suffering we go through to raise them; ‘when I dey sick, my mother no go sleep. When I cry, my mother go pet me.’ That is late Nico Mbarga. His father in his mother’s place, I am sure would tell him, ‘stop that noise’ and would call mother to come and take his child because he has tried every trick but baby would not stop; until mummy waved the magic wand.
But you should not worry though because children grow to appreciate their parents in their different ways. Their worshipping of Daddy turns to understanding, as they grow older. But they never forget their mothers’ roles in their lives.
Co-parenting It Is Still
Involve the father more to avoid the stress of doing it alone. He has to make an impact on the children’s lives. The children are strong intellectually when you work together. Researchers have established that children of fathers who took their parenting role seriously do well verbally and scored high marks in Mathematics. They are more independent in behaviour. They are friendly, too; they did better than children whose fathers were not always at home. Children learn different things from each parent. When both parents are happy in their work and approved of their childcare arrangement, their behaviour would make a positive impact on the lives of their children.
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