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Taking the honourable route


Terry is a good friend and one of my mentors. You know, one of those friends that one is ever thankful for?

I never cease an opportunity to catch up with him, whenever his schedule permits because every encounter with him leaves me with laughter and some words of wisdom.

Our “lunch outing” over the weekend left me with this message that I am sharing with you…

He told me that life is so unpredictable that most of us have had to eat back our words or regret certain actions and some of these regrets are what have helped to shape a lot of lives and relationships today.


It is therefore pertinent that one pays attention to the ATTITUDE he/she gives to those around them-moreso when you do not know if such attitude will come back to haunt you.

To explain this better, he went down memory lane about his days as a young man -fresh in the university and he had a lady (a silver-spoon) that he was so into and was doing everything within his powers to win her over.

All he got from her was an OBVIOUS DISINTEREST. She just did not bother hiding the fact that she preferred the company of fellow silver-spoons.

Perhaps that feeling of rejection fuelled his desire to make something out of his life because he eventually got a scholarship to study at a reputable institute abroad.

Several years down the line, he left the church at the end of service one Sunday morning to find a note that was slipped beside his car wiper.

The note came from the lady that rejected him and the note asked that they see. He got there the next day and could not believe who he was seeing was the once bubbling young girl he was besotted with.

Her look of that day was a far cry from the lady he used to know.

The moment she saw him, she burst into tears and was inconsolable…when she eventually found her voice, she told him that a particular “silver spoon” boy that she was all over (then) and was so sure they were going to marry did that to her.

According to her, the very day he did the deed with her was also the day she almost lost her sanity.

…as soon as they finished making love, he reached underneath his pillow and brought out a card…his WEDDING CARD INVITATION.

She lost her sanity for a while, was ill, yet when she was taken to the hospital, doctors would find nothing wrong with her. At a time, her parents resorted to psychiatric interventions. Eventually she got better and is now a University lecturer.

Why she sent for him?

She wanted to know if he was available…by any chance. When she learned the answer was unfavourable, she burst into tears again and asked if they could at least make a baby together.

This, he also turned down, considering how complex the arrangement could make his life. It was while they were at this that the lady’s mum who was so fond of Terry walked in.

The woman’s only words to the daughter were said to be, “this is what you could have done HONOURABLY years back. Your father and I told you that this young man was good for you; he had what most young men of his age lacked-SUBTANCE! But you were too carried away by ‘fine boys’ to pay any attention to all we were saying then.’’

Terry told me that those few words never left him.

Before allowing yourself to give those you cross paths with an attitude, try asking yourself if that person is the type that you may (years down the line) wish you took the HONOURABLE route with.

Otherwise, leave whatever door you are passing in people’s life slightly ajar…you may have to pass through it again and God help you if you banged it so hard the last time you pass through it!

I have always said that the best revenge is continuous self-improvement/development. When rejected unfairly, don’t waste time proving to them that they made a mistake. You just keep busy with adding value to yourself. The loss will be theirs at the ripeness of time.

Our man was most likely sought out for a second chance because he didn’t allow himself to remain where she left him. Success has an odour that even one’s enemies can’t miss.

However, I like the fact that the lady braved a “look back.” Sometimes, the only way to move forward is to trace back your steps to ensure no stone was left unturned.

Steve Jobs said: “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.’’


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