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The thing about gifts…



Reading the concern of a lady that reached out to me made it dawn on me that we have a lot to unlearn…as far as giving gifts is concerned.

To start with, we have to do away with the perception that every gift given must be liked or kept.
Read her first…

“When I met my fiancé, the first gift that I received from him was some panties and a pair of jeans…on his return from a trip overseas. After thanking him, I explained to him that I would prefer he asks me what I want whenever he wishes to get me gifts. That’s because I do not wear full (white) panties, which is what he bought for me. Those ended up going to my elder sisters. But the jeans-I love and still wear till this day.

I had to be upfront about the panties because I know that he would want to see them on me one day.
He gave me the impression that he was cool with my words.

Recently, he traveled again and still bought me the exact type of panties (full and white in colour) that he bought the last time he traveled. What annoys me is that he kept saying, “I have a surprise for you,’’ but the surprises end up being stuff that I don’t like.

Anyway, I still made him understand that I prefer to be asked what I wanted first. So far, he doesn’t seem to have understood my preferences in under-wears. How can he keep buying me full white panties when he has never seen such on me? Right now, our communication has become somewhat tensed.
He claimed that I am not appreciative. Please, have I done anything wrong in my approach so far?’’

Of what use is a gift that a supposed beneficiary will end up not liking? The problem with most people who “surprise” with gifts is that they are not diligent enough to actually find out what the other wants.
Oftentimes, they go for what THEY WANT for you. But a gift is most appreciated if it’s USEFUL to and for the intended.

Could he be trying to pass a message across by continuously buying you full white panty? I mean, the least effort he could have made was observe your wardrobe intently or even stylishly ask about your taste in under-wears. Frankly, you have done nothing wrong by letting him know your mind.

Another thing, though, is how you put it across to him. Otherwise, I see no reason why it should be a big deal that you EXPRESSED your feelings. One who means well will really want to know if you truly like what they gifted you with. It’s to their advantage that you are honest/open about such things…so they are rightly guided next time. People should learn to encourage OPENNESS in their affairs.

I for one would prefer that you ask me what I want…if planning to get me a gift. And if it is meant to be a surprise…there are indirect ways to find out the preferences of your beloved. Smuggle in such talks when gisting generally. Introduce such talks when they would seem inconsequential.

Meanwhile…you would have collected enough DATA on his/her likes. Also note that people’s tastes change from time to time. Sometimes, it is a lot easier to just ask (a loved one) “WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE AS A GIFT from me.’’

You can’t go wrong with a gift that a beloved pointedly asked for.

Here are a few more things about gifts…according to my friends:
. Gifts are what they are…gifts. They are NOT an entitlement.
. Any time someone that is not a kid tells me in advance what he or she wants as gift, it loses the core element. A gift has to be a surprise for it to make sense.
. Underwear is such a personal thing. When a man decides to purchase it for you, more often than not, he is trying to guide you to wear what turns him on.
. A gift especially from a loved one is an expression of thoughtfulness. It is actually bad manners to criticise or reject a gift. It is also in bad taste to give it away.

I really don’t agree with the latter part of the last opinion. If I am gifted with what’s not useful to me…of what benefits is hoarding it? I will rather “bless” a life with it. One can only preach discretion and a tad of sensibility.

I mean you don’t have to make it obvious that you are giving out a gift that was probably given to you with so much sentiment. Don’t give it away immediately. Wait for sufficient time to elapse before doing so.

In this article:
Chukwuneta Oby
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