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There’s life without the ‘MRS’ title…

By Chukwuneta Oby
21 September 2019   |   4:21 am
If you want to know the dimension the quest for the MRS title is taking, you have only to read this lady’s message below…

If you want to know the dimension the quest for the MRS title is taking, you have only to read this lady’s message below…

“I met a guy in the summer of 2017 here in the U.S.

As we began to interact, I learned about his disaffection with his job. So, I encouraged him to move down to New York (where I reside) and try for better options here. We also agreed that he could move in with me…pending the time he finds his own accommodation.

So, in 2018(January), we began to live together. When he changed jobs, we also began to talk marriage in earnest.

This Easter, he travelled to Nigeria and also went to see my folks in preparation for our marriage.

I would also say that our hope of a future together began to wane from that visit to Nigeria, because he came back a somewhat changed man.

Sometimes, I would come back from work to meet him staring into space. Almost like he was half with me and half elsewhere. I noticed that my husband’s “absentee” mood grew more. Especially anytime he spoke to his mum.

It worried me but I only found the courage to ask him what the issue was…on one occasion. And that’s when he told me that his mum had been insisting he got married to the daughter of an Army general that the family chose for him. And that when he told his mum that he has found happiness, her response to him was, “so, after all that I went through to send you to the US, you want to pay me back by not giving me a grandchild?”

I asked him what she meant by “not giving her a grandchild’’ and he told me that someone went to tell his family that he was getting married to an old woman. I went into my bedroom to cry my eyes out.
Until now, I thought we were fine.

When he came back from Nigeria, the same mood intensified. As well as calls from his mum. I just woke up a few days back and began to feel that I have had enough. It’s obvious that whatever they are saying to him is affecting our relationship.

I don’t know if the best way to handle the matter and find my peace is suggesting we give each other some space and distance first? I am also to visit Nigeria by Christmas, is it necessary to meet his mum and actually know what’s going on?’’

If whatever his folks are saying to him is affecting the relationship in the manner you stated, it means just one thing…he values their opinion more than whatever he has with you.

And if that is the truth…whatever you will have with him will stand no chance in the face of a contrary move by his folks. It’s his type that FAMILY arranges a wife for in Nigeria while he is married to another woman over there.

Except you have scheduled to visit Nigeria for Christmas for something else, I will consider it a WASTE of resources for you to embark on that trip over this issue.

Whatever you have is primarily between you two.
And his attitude should be the DECIDER in all these.
The writing is clearly emerging on the wall…only that you seem reluctant to see it.

Firstly, he tells you that his folks called you an old woman,
…their concerns about your inability to conceive.
…the daughter of an army general that they have arranged for him.

Sister, this seems like a man who is armed with EXCUSES on why you two should go your ways.
He just didn’t want to create bad feelings by expressly saying it.

What defense did he put up with his folks in your favour? He ain’t loyal!

It will HURT like hell but let him move on. Yes, give yourselves some space and distance and see what comes out of it all. Whatever will be will be.
If he comes back, fine. And if not, life really goes on.

Y’all learn to live life without thinking everything has to revolve around a MRS title.

A gift of his absence from your space is an easier option to deal with than this emotional stress that you come back to everyday. If I were in your shoes though, I will lose complete interest in all these.

The least that whoever you are planning a lifetime commitment with owes you is LOYALTY.

So far, your guy seems ‘low’ on that. He should be the one giving you strength through his words and action! Let me not even mention his seeming “free loader” family, which is actually NOTHING if one has extra to spare.