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Why women stay in bad relationships

By Kemi Amushan
10 December 2016   |   4:33 am
Love is another reason a woman will continue a relationship with an emotionally unavailable guy. Now this might be a little controversial, but I don’t believe it is love at all.


Over the years, I realised that it’s very common with women to invest their hearts in emotionally unavailable men. I’ve been guilty of that too in the past. And the only reason this happens is…chemistry, love, and fear.

One of the most popular reasons most women use is chemistry. For many women, the initial feelings created by the intense attraction and attachment to her new man cause her to get infatuated with an emotionally unavailable guy before she has ever had the chance to really get to know him as a person.

The beginning stage of a relationship is often called the infatuation stage and in the infatuation stage, everything appears to be perfect. And for a woman, the more of herself she invests in a guy, the stronger the bond and emotional connection is.
So by the time the natural hormones start to wear off and reality sets in, the woman has developed a bond with her man that is very difficult for her to break. Even when the guy shows signs that he is emotionally unavailable, a woman will often overlook or ignore the red flags because recognising and admitting they are there means that she will have to make a choice or decision that she does not want to make.

Many women who date emotionally unavailable men tend to live in a state of denial. Unfortunately, living in this state of denial makes it impossible for the women to have the type of relationship that she says she really wants.

Love is another reason a woman will continue a relationship with an emotionally unavailable guy. Now this might be a little controversial, but I don’t believe it is love at all. In fact, when you really analyze it, the feelings and reasons that a woman often uses very rarely have to do with love. And if it does, it’s usually a distorted version of what love really is.

I’ll never tell anyone what to think or feel, but isn’t love supposed to feel good? Isn’t a relationship between two people who are in love supposed to be one in which both people are happy and fulfilled? If so, how can it be love if the other person isn’t there for you? How can it be love if the other person is emotionally unavailable? How can it be love if the other person is not able to give you the important things you need for you to be happy and fulfilled?

Now, I’m not saying that the woman doesn’t have strong feelings and emotions that she “thinks” is love. I totally understand that. But it’s a distorted perception of love.

Based on my little experience, it’s not love that drives a woman to stay with an emotionally unavailable guy. It’s fear! I believe fear is the third reason that a woman continues to stay with an emotionally unavailable guy. Fear is the driving force.

I have not had one conversation with a woman in the last three years, not one in which a woman didn’t ultimately admit that it was fear that kept her in a relationship where she knew that the guy wasn’t giving her the type of love that she really wanted.

And the thing about fear is it’s so powerful and so scary that some women are even afraid to admit that it exists. Fear is the real reason behind a woman’s desire to stay with a man who isn’t making her happy. And the sad part is the longer a woman continues to stay with an emotionally unavailable guy the more time she wastes and the more she prevents herself from having the kind of relationship she really wants and deserves. As the old saying goes, “love makes people do some crazy and stupid things.”

I recently had a conversation with a woman who told me that she caught her boyfriend cheating on her with another woman that he met on the internet. At first she didn’t confront him, but when she finally did, the guy admitted that he was having an affair. He then told her that he didn’t have the same feelings and he didn’t want to be with her. And within a few days, it was over.

When I was talking to her, all I could hear was her wanting her boyfriend back. I wasn’t shocked at all. It’s only normal. And when I asked her why she would want a man who was cheating on her, who admitted that he didn’t feel the same way, and who ended the relationship with her, her immediate response was “But I love him!”

Now, I can understand having feelings so intense that one may mistakenly think that they are in love. But there should come a time where common sense kicks in and logic takes over. But unfortunately when it comes to love, common sense isn’t necessarily so common. And as long as a woman uses love as an excuse to stay with a guy who is emotionally unavailable, she will continue to deprive herself of love, the real love: the kind that actually makes you feel good inside.

It is important for you to understand that if you’re going to have a happy and fulfilling relationship that stands the test of time, you must be able to recognize and avoid the emotionally unavailable men… AT ALL COSTS!!! Pursuing an emotionally unavailable guy and jumping into a relationship with him is like combining fire and dynamite: it’s just a matter of time before it explodes.

What most people fail to address is that there is this thing called life that you have to get through after you get the guy. There are tons of techniques on how to get a guy. But let me ask you this: What good is getting a guy if he is going to be another emotionally unavailable man who only winds up wasting more of your precious time?

What good is getting a guy if he is the wrong guy? Do you really need to invest more of your heart on another guy or relationship that will frustrate and disappoint you? hell no!

The reality is once you do get the guy, you must be able to communicate and work together to get past the trials and tribulations that life is going to throw at you. And if you pick the wrong guy for the wrong reasons, the odds are, you will not be able to experience the kind of relationship you really want.

Life is going to throw stuff at you and if you don’t have an emotionally available man by your side to weather the stuff that life throws at you, whether it is financial difficulties, health challenges, family problems or the numerous other “speed bumps” in life, then you are setting yourself up for failure.

If you don’t have a partner that will love and support you during these challenging times, you will soon discover that life’s problems become like a crack in the ice of your relationship. They may start off small, but they will get deeper and wider and spread out further until, eventually, your relationship collapses and you fall in.

The good news is that there are lots of good, masculine, emotionally available men out there who would love to be in a relationship with an awesome, feminine, and loving woman like you. And believe it or not, these guys are just as frustrated in trying to find a good woman as you are in trying to find a good man.
To our happiness. Cheers.