The truth about haters

2016 has been tagged the year of #NOCHILLS as there has been a lot of cyber fights on social media. These fights are often instigated and fueled by people termed as “haters” on social media.

But what often beats me hollow is this: if you don’t like someone, why even bother to be his or her friend either physically or virtually? What is the point? Or isn’t a hater someone who hates you? 

H – Having

A – Anger

T – Towards

E – Everyone

R- Reaching

S – Success

Yes, a hater is someone who is jealous and envious and spends all their time trying to make you look small so they can feel big. They are very negative people to say the least. Nothing is ever good enough! Nonetheless, the truth remains that haters are your greatest fans.

They are the ‘monitoring spirits’ in your life and their main occupation regardless of their educational or professional laurels is talking about you! To have what to talk about, they stalk and monitor your every move like paparazzi. They make you a celebrity without your having to pay a publicist. Believe it or not, they are your mentees in disguise!

A hater can be anyone, a family member, a friend, a colleague, a teacher, a boss, or some random person you meet on the street or the Internet. People who were friends forever can suddenly be haters.

You need to HAVE the tools to deal with it since they can be found everywhere–at home, at school, at work place. Every one of us, at some point in our lives, confronts a hater. The question that naturally arises at this point is, how can one deal with haters? In order to answer this question, we must first find out what makes a hater ‘a hater’.

If you don’t like my guts, why make my matter the subject of your every discussion? Why bother about what I wear, eat, drink, who I hang out with, where I travel to, who my friends are and the chemical composition of my fart? “Wetin concern you?”…like our people often say. Well, there is only one logical answer and it is that they actually fancy me. They are dying to be me!

Truth is haters don’t hate you…THEY HATE THEMSELVES! They only vent it on you because you are all that they want to be, they are not comfortable in their own skin. Therefore they project outwards negative energy, they are upset because you look like what they want to look like, you are loved by those they are dying to get their attention, they can’t carry themselves like you do.

They lack the eloquence and confidence you are blessed with. They just think you’ve got it all and their sense of inadequacies just hit the tops anytime they catch a glimpse of you…. You literally take the smiles off their faces and they can barely look at you eye ball to eye ball! They could earn a PhD in acting without seeing the four walls of a classroom, they conceal their hate better but you will find out in no time that they are actually your FREnemy (a combination of a friend and enemy).

Now ask yourself, do you need to hate such a person in return? Oh no! You should actually feel sorry for them; I mean genuine sympathy for their psychological imbalance because they hardly ever get inner peace in life! Let me ask you? Have you ever seen any hater doing better than you??? Think about it, you will understand why they are not worth your breath! These peeps are disillusioned, trust me! If they see you walk on water, they will say its because you can’t swim!

But they tell lies about me and say damaging things about me, how can I feel sorry for them?”…I can hear someone whine. Yes, that is the only tool they’ve got…Malicious Gossip! But you know the best antidote to that? It will shock you…it is to IGNORE THEM! And that is actually for your own good! The moment you begin to brood over what haters say about you, you begin to loose your happiness, you become hateful towards yourself and you waste unnecessary emotions on people who don’t add to you. As a matter of fact, they begin to take from you…your inner peace, your smile, and your happiness! But that can only happen with your permission. If you ignore them, you are the winner! If you give them attention they gain a sense of pleasure and satisfaction from your misery; you feed the beast! Moreover you don’t want them dragging you down to their level.

While growing up, I worried a lot about who loves or hates me and all that kind of stuffs; I believe naivety and inexperience had a lot of role to playback then. Now, I train myself to try to do the right thing as much as I can and that automatically turned the table around for me. So, once I’m sure my heart is good and my intentions are pure, I’m good to go regardless whether anyone hates or loves me. What is paramount to me at every point in time is what GOD thinks of me. So why should I lose sleep over someone whose hate won’t stop my ATM Card from working? Honestly, if it doesn’t affect my pay, I don’t let it affect my day. I don’t even have time to think about people who don’t like me because I can’t even afford enough time for those who love me!

So if you ever got your adrenaline gushing because of one hater, hold on to these thoughts as your invisible and magical weapon:

1. It’s best to ignore
2. Be super happy, it kills them!
3. While they hate, you live, laugh, love !
4. Having haters is one of the signs of success. This should spur you to greater heights knowing your admirers in haters skin are watching.
5. It’s not your job to stop them from talking behind you but it’s your job not to let it affect you.
6. Never forget that weak people revenge, strong people forgive but intelligent people ignore! Which are you?
7. Just keep keeping it real…they may one day come to their senses.

When you make your mark, you will always attract some haters. The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but they don’t know my story…

If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, you can rest assured that the water bill is higher there too! Haters can’t stand to see you happy…they never want to see you succeed. Most of our haters are people who are supposed to be on our side, painfully so!

But then, the reality is life is too short to stress yourself with people who don’t even deserve to be an issue in your life. When God blesses you, you can tell your haters, ‘Don’t look at me…Look at who is in charge of me….’

Share this to all of your family & friends who you know are not hating on you or are struggling with HATERS. If you know any Hater, don’t worry about Him/Her, it’s not your problem, it’s theirs…Just pray for them, that their life can be as fulfilled as yours!

Watch out for haters…BUT most of all do not become a HATER!

Mercy Makinde is a speaker, writer, coach and entrepreneurship advocate. She owns an online radio Station, Iaspire Radio, Nigeria’s first motivational radio Station; www.iaspireradio.com and a motivational and inspirational blog;www.iaspireblog.com.