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Love Is Not Enough, Love Yourself First

By Kemi Amushan
02 May 2015   |   5:05 am
A LOT of people wonder why their relationships start fast and fade quickly. They do not understand why they are not fulfilled and happy with someone or with themselves.
Photo: suzie81speaks

Photo: suzie81speaks

A LOT of people wonder why their relationships start fast and fade quickly. They do not understand why they are not fulfilled and happy with someone or with themselves.

They question why their relationships last for a few months or a couple of years and then they have to start over again and again.

A lot of my colleagues and friends have asked me why I preach being lovable versus finding love and being in love.

It is a good question though. Do not get me wrong, being madly in love is amazing, but I have noticed that it is just not enough. Too many things can dissolve the “in love” feeling or weaken it over time.

The next thing that happens is one person saying, “I am not in love any more. I want to be with someone else.”

You try to find love with someone else and then the vicious circle starts again. I am sure this sounds familiar.

It can continue like a merry-go-round, where you feel stuck going around and around and you never understand why you cannot get off the ride.

With this comes massive frustration and a constant feeling of failing in the world of dating, love and relationships.

Some people keep pursuing a relationship out of pure will and determination, and others decide it is not for them and quit. I can understand; I have been there too.

Sometimes, relationships should dissolve, because you were not a match from the get-go. For myself, I often felt unloved and unwanted, and clung to relationships that were not a match for me longer than I should have.

Sometimes, I was a complete jerk to who I was with, hoping they would break up with me. I would feel terrible about myself and then try even harder. That did not work either.

Why is being lovable the bigger and wider solution to most people’s dating and relationship issues? Being lovable focuses on three main things you must have to maintain a long-term healthy relationship.
Being lovable is…
*Loving someone fully.
*Receiving love from someone.
*Loving and honoring yourself.

Since I started dating, I noticed that the problem is that one or two of these key areas of being loveable go missing, for various reasons.

The good news is that once we develop these skills and make them stronger, a loving and fulfilling relationship becomes easier to find and keep.

It does not mean there will not be bumps along the way, but being loveable allows two people to get back on track faster and with greater ease. That is the key!

I have a friend who had just started dating someone and was not sure about the two of them. In fact, she wanted to bolt, bailing out of the dating situation. Instead, she put herself in the lovable group.

After a week, we talked about the different loveable practices and she was quite surprised that she was receiving more of what she needed and wanted from her boyfriend.

He adored and cherished her. They had a closer connection and bond. He was surprising her with nice dinners, and she loved who she got to be around him.

When you are truly lovable, you are more confident in your own skin. Your ability to resolve issues with your partner increases, because you can trust, you can speak your truth and each of you will be heard.

Being loveable gives you the courage to express your feelings in a direct and loving style. You can be crystal clear you are a great partner for someone.

If you can be successful in being lovable, this means you can be loved completely by someone. You can love another person fully.

Finally, you will know how to love and honour yourself too, which offers tremendous peace of mind and freedom. Is that not what it is about?

Being in love is wonderful, but it is not the only thing that is necessary to keep love alive, healthy and sustained.

The concept of being lovable is the solution to a lot of our dating and relationship issues today. I think it is the key to relationships starting out on the right foot and having a greater chance of going the distance.

To the loving relationship we all deserve, good luck in love and life. Cheers!



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