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A session with my young friends…


This is actually a “question and answer” session that I held with some young friends sometime back. I hope you find the issues discussed interesting.

When a girl is acting funny and you want to win back her love, is it better to withdraw unannounced or not and when is it best to re-surface?
OBY: Her attitude will let you know when to re-surface or if it’s actually better to move on for good. Usually, if a lady is still into you and you choose to give her a break-she comes after you with full force…giving you all the green lights to come back, but one who is no longer into you is rather relieved when you withdraw. You don’t announce your intentions to give someone a break, keep your decision to yourself and do it gradually…e.g. from calling her twice a day to once every few days. You might not have the will-power to keep up with your decision…if you announce it beforehand.
How would you describe a girl that falls in love with a guy within days of speaking with him on phone and have never met him.

What factors could lead to that since the guy in question is just an average guy financially. Also, does sexual experience or inexperience play a role in this?
OBY: The lady is merely fond of the guy, not in love per se. Sometimes, a perceived attribute of one whom we are yet to meet makes us feel connected with them…even when we have not yet set eyes on them. It could be due to the way the guy talks or the impression of him that she has in her head. I do not believe it has anything to do with his financial status. Again, when you are already fond of someone (even before meeting)…it makes your falling in love easier because you already feel connected before meeting but sometimes, it does not go this way, because the lady may just have fallen in love with the FANTASY version of you that she has in her head…so she gets disillusioned on seeing the REAL you.


Nobody falls in love in just days… it is not realistic. People become fond of each other within a short period of meeting, though.

Another thing is the state of mind of those involved…if she is on the rebound (due to a recently failed relationship), she is bound to get easily attached to any guy that comes her way and it does not always last!

If a new love interest is going too fast for your liking…re-direct things to a pace that you are comfortable with.

A lady that I just met claims that her last relationship just ended and she had never had sex before. Right now, she is pushing for ‘intimacy’, in spite of the fact that we just met, is it a case of being naive (at 27) or is she loose?
OBY: She is not loose…just her reasoning and the way she feels!

We all handle things differently; some of us do not know how to observe EMOTIONAL PROTOCOLS…before laying our cards on the table. But her recently failed relationship should be a concern…is she into this because she is hurting and lonely? Find out-in your own way. If so, give her a shoulder to lean on but do not have your hopes so high until she is emotionally stable!

The lady that I have just started seeing claims she is a virgin, even though she’s had a previous relationship. She said that she wants to remain a virgin until she marries, but how do I know she loves me if she can’t let me touch her?
OBY: Why is sex the issue now? Shouldn’t you nurture the relationship first? I mean, someone dated her without ‘deflowering’ her…why must such occupy the mind of the one that has just met her? A relationship that is not anchored on SUBSTANCE is headed to the rocks anyway, whether or not sex is involved.


Which of these is correct/wrong and why:
To go after your ex- after driving him or her away;

To accept your ex- back after he/she left you?
OBY: Both scenarios indicate a repentant cum a forgiving heart and a willingness to give a second chance. So, both are good measures too. But it also depends on the individuals involved and the circumstances under which each scenario took place.

You certainly don’t want to take back an ‘abuser’ or get back with one who not only disrespects you, but has also shown a lack of commitment to the relationship.

When you make up your mind to get back with anybody…be sure that some ‘attitude adjustment’ has been made.

In this article:
Chukwuneta Oby
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