‘Effective communication key to achieving marital bliss’

Bose Fawehinmi is a certified Christian counsellor and infidelity recovery expert dedicated to helping individuals and couples navigate relationships with grace and faith. Over two decades, Bose has evolved into a successful serial entrepreneur, focusing on personal growth and empowering others. In this interview with Esther Ijewere, she shares her story.

Childhood Influence
I grew up with my grandma. I believe it influenced me since I was considered more mature and wiser for my age. This made me a go-to person for advice. I always seem to have the right advice to give my peers. During my time at the university, people referred to me as my mama pet, a reference to my study of petroleum engineering. I also held leadership roles in my campus fellowship. By the time I went for NYSC, I was appointed my sister’s coordinator at the church I was attending. By this time, I was leading married women, even though I was not married. It launched me into working with married people since I have only had experience helping singles with their relationships and personal development issues. I can say that I have been a helper since childhood. I have a constant desire to assist individuals in improving their lives, be it in academics or other facets.

Transitioning from Engineering to Life Coaching
After getting married, I had to leave my engineering job in Port Harcourt and relocate to Lagos. I ventured into entrepreneurship and joined my church’s family life unit. I was a counsellor in the church for several years before I started taking on people outside the church for counselling. I received numerous referrals from those I counselled within the church, which prompted me to start charging for my services. This made me develop myself by taking several diplomas in professional counselling, biblical counselling, and other certificate courses to sharpen my skills.

Integrating Engineering Insights into Coaching Practices
This is an interesting question. I can see how my engineering training influences my coaching approach. It enables me to easily identify patterns and make connections from people’s stories. That is why I adopt a systems approach, understanding that everything interconnects, and nothing occurs in isolation. My training also helped me to be solution-focused. My favourite clients are those who are interested in achieving results and want to change something. When I work with those clients, we identify the goal and work towards it. I help clients uncover their answers and motivate them to find solutions. Anyone can make a change in their life, and I firmly believe that everyone is an expert in their own affairs. My engineering background may also influence my strength-based approach. I see possibilities; I see humans’ ability to work through challenges; I see humans’ ability to create their desired life or relationship.

A Story from Infidelity Recovery Expertise
I have many success stories to share about infidelity recovery. People usually think that infidelity marks the end of a marriage. They are not completely wrong, though. Infidelity kills a relationship that once existed, and with proper guidance, the couple can create a new relationship that is stronger than the one that died. If both are willing to put in the work, a full recovery is possible. There was a couple whose wife was having an affair, and at the start of my work with them, she was not ready to end the affair. She was on the verge of walking out of her marriage. She eventually ended the affair, and then we worked to help the two of them heal. Infidelity elicits a range of painful emotions, impacting both the victim and the perpetrator. There was a lot of hurt and pain on both sides, and the healing process took time. Then we worked on building a new relationship that did not have the deficiencies of their previous marriage.

The Role of Faith in Life Coaching
Do you mean faith as a religious identity? I am a Christian, but as a professional, I work with anyone, irrespective of the religion they practice. If the client requests Christian counselling, I incorporate biblical principles into my work with them. Otherwise, I can assist individuals in achieving their goals by utilizing psychoeducational and coaching techniques, without incorporating the Bible or Christianity into the process. This enables me to work with Africans and non-Africans. I also have faith in people. People are intrinsically good, and they can make good choices. Like I said earlier, this faith in people helps me to believe in the best of my clients and trust that they can succeed in whatever they set their minds to.

Three Women Who Inspire Bose
I like Michelle Obama. I am impressed by her oratory abilities. I also like the fact that she can focus on her purpose despite having so many detractors. I love her slogan of ‘when they go low, we go high’. I also like Ibukun Awosika. That is one entrepreneur who was able to survive in a male-dominated industry. She was able to keep everything together—home, career, ministry, etc. Finally, Pastor Nike Adeyemi. I admire her passion for advocating for underprivileged girls and orphans. She has used her platform to change the lives of so many young women and orphans.

Strategies for Achieving Marital Bliss
To achieve marital bliss, I believe a couple should be able to have effective communication, be able to resolve conflict, and perpetually work on being friends. Emotional intimacy and quality sex are also crucial components of a successful marriage. When a couple appears before me, I assess where they are in these domains, and then I start working to fix the most deficient area. An improvement in one of the domains usually leads to an improvement in the other areas.

Being a woman of rubies
I believe I am a woman of rubies because, just like the gemstone, I radiate value and worth. I appreciate all of God’s beautiful qualities within me. I know that I am an asset to my world, and I will not allow the opinions of others to define me.

Advice for Maximizing Personal Growth
My advice is for the individual to believe in their innate talents and abilities. Even if these talents and abilities are not evident now, they are still present. Life’s challenges sometimes bury them, like gemstones that require exhumation and polishing to reveal their beauty. No one is useless! Personal development necessitates that the individual take responsibility for bringing out the beauty that lies within them.

Beyond Entrepreneurship: Fawehinmi’s Diverse Ventures
I am a regulated Canadian immigration consultant (RCIC). I help people legally immigrate to Canada. I am also licensed to practice psychotherapy in the province of Ontario, Canada.