Oh my daze!!!

How is a woman to choose her path in life when she is torn in between two worlds?  Am I to place my moral obligation over my happiness or vice versa? Is sacrificing the possibility of having a happier life on the altar of being a good mother and wife what makes me a virtuous woman?

I was raised by a single mum and I always thought she deprived me of the joy of having a father figure but as I get older and wade in the turbulent waters that marriage can sometimes bring, I have begun to see my childhood through her eyes. Life is too short to be anything but happy. My mother never remarried and I knew it was a price she paid for Afolabi (my brother)and I and now that she is gone I wish I had been more appreciative of the sacrifices she made.

I miss her.Ever since I got the strange letter, I have decided to stop trying to figure out what my husband is up to. I figured that things have a way of unraveling themselves. Unfortunately I was right.I decided instead of plotting and scheming to concentrate on clearing my head and figuring out what exactly I want for myself. I did the old fashion thing and made a list of the things I love about Emeka and the things I love about TK and then it became clear to me why I seem to be in love with both of them.

Emeka is a reflection of my youth, a happy time in my life when I had no cares. My time with him shaped some of my views on life and love. With him I am carefree, I am young, I am free, and I can be silly and say what is on my mind. I can dream and do whatever I want to do with my life. With Emeka, I am just Anjola. I am not under pressure to perform or keep up and I can breathe easy. Our relationship was tested by Banke’s deceit and even though we went our separate ways and found different paths, fate brought us back together. ..Or what else could it have been? The first time he found me the night before my wedding, I gave up on us as he had once done but he found me again, that day at the mall. It has to be fate.

On the other hand, Adetokunboh is my husband. He is the father of my only child.  He is the man who has given me the life that I only dreamt about growing up. But life with him is a struggle…the drama with his family, the pressures of being in the public eye, and the compelling need to always keep up appearances. The deceit and lies in this circle of the rich and famous.

Complex situations like the unplanned pregnancy which turned out to be a scheme. The knowledge that my own husband is capable of fraud and diversion of funds, his previous marriage which he lied about, the fact that he could cheat on his ex-wife. The possibility that he is cheating on me right now…all these things make me wonder if we would really stand the test of time.

There is also the fact that with him I have to forfeit my dreams. I had always thought I would be an advertising mogul but with TK that is not a possibility. I cannot work, cannot do anything else with my time but be a wife and mother…I feel privileged to have the opportunity to play these roles but I wish it had been a decision on my part not a part of a pre-nup I had to sign. With TK I am Mrs. Ayo-Kessington, my identity is directly tied to being his wife, nothing more!Yet, he is an amazing father to Oladunni and also in fairness a generous husband. I have never lacked anything since the day I stepped foot into his house and that is something I cannot help but be grateful for, but I have discovered that as they say money truly isn’t everything!

So you see choosing who I’d rather be with is not a day’s job. I have to figure out what is most important to me and determine who can give that to me. I can only hope and pray that whichever path I choose would be the best for my daughter, because my decision is no longer only about me.

Two days ago I went out with Linda and Funsho to a dinner party organized by Funsho’s company. We got back really late and I met TK out on the porch smoking a cigarette. TK: Had fun?
Me: Yes I did. Thank you.
TK: Cool.
Me: TK I thought you said you’d ease up on the smoking?
TK: And I thought we were trying to have another baby but it appears things are not always the way they seem.
Me: What are you talking about?
TK: This.

He said holding up the pack of contraceptives I thought were well hidden in my closest. I wished for the ground to open and swallow me. Unfortunately, my wish wasn’t granted. TK: I was looking for the credit card I gave you on your last trip abroad, I tried calling you to ask where it was but you didn’t answer your phone and so I decided to look for it. Unfortunately, I found more than I was looking for. I was so sure I was mistaken that I actually looked up the drug on the internet and lo and behold I was right! Contraceptives! Yet we have been “trying” to have another child.
Me: Tokunboh I can explain. I was using them because…
TK: Save it! Don’t worry; you won’t be getting pregnant anytime soon.

By the time I got to the bedroom, I didn’t have to be told it was obvious TK had moved some of his things to the guest room.I cried myself to sleep. I saw what I had been doing through TK’s eyes and I realized I was a liar and a fraud yet I was constantly judging my husband. How could I even begin to explain that I was afraid of having another baby because of the fear of forfeiting custody of the child if we got a divorce or in all honesty because it would make leaving him harder if I did decide to leave him for another man? The next morning I took what was left of my prescription and flushed them down the toilet…a little too late though.

Later that day, Emeka called to check on me because I had been ignoring his messages all day. I burst into tears on the phone and told him what happened. He said he wanted to discuss something with me but since I was upset it could wait.

I called TK all day and sent him messages while he was at work but he ignored me. Later that evening, Adamu told me I had a visitor. A woman he didn’t recognize who had an urgent message for me. I asked him to usher the visitor into the lobby. When I got there I almost passed out…it was Ronke, Emeka’s fiancée standing right there in my hallway!
Ronke: Good Evening Mrs Ayo-Kessington. I trust you recognize me.
Me: Yes Ronke. I do. How may I help you please?
Ronke: I am guessing you know why I am here.
Me: No, please tell me.
Ronke: Emeka called off our wedding last night.
What had Emeka done???
Me: Wow! I am really sorry to hear that. Surely he would change his mind.
Ronke laughed a sarcastic, scary laugh. Ronke: You’re a better actress than I expected. Are you trying to convince me that you are not aware of his decision and that you don’t know that his decision has everything to do with the rekindled romance between you two?

Me: I am sorry about your broken engagement Ronke, but it has nothing to do with me.
Ronke: I noticed Emeka became distracted shortly after we ran into you at the supermarket that day. I have seen the text messages between you two on his phone. I know about him spending the night at my place a few streets away just to be able to meet you when you jog in the mornings. I am not a fool.
Me: I don’t know what you want from me but I am happily married and I have nothing to gain from your broken engagement. My husband would be home any minute and you need to leave. Ronke: I haven’t come here for a confrontation, at least not yet. But let me assure you in less than two weeks Chuckwuemeka Odiachi and I will walk down the aisle come hell or high waters. I am giving you twenty four hours to extract your claws from my man and hand him back to me or I would turn your entire world upside down like you have done mine.
Me: Are you threatening me in my own home?

Ronke: I am not threatening you. I am giving you a heads up because a storm is coming your way and you cannot weather it. You disgust me. Look around you, you have what every woman fantasizes about yet it is not enough for you. You have to take from other people too. I hope I have made myself clear because I will not ask you nicely twice. Stay away from Emeka! I will see myself out.
Dear Diary, my sharp tongue instantly became blunt as I watched her walk out. I knew I didn’t want any enmity with this woman. All she had to do was tell TK about me and Emeka. I hadn’t cheated on him but with the issue of the contraceptives still burning this was not the time for such. I had only one option if I wanted to remain TK’s wife… to cut Emeka off.I instantly dialed his number.

Emeka: Hi. I’m so glad you called. Are you ok now? I need to talk to you.
Me: Save it! Why did you call off your wedding? Are you out of your mind?
Emeka: How did you find out? I tried to tell you this morning but you were upset.
Me: Ronke just left my house! She came here to warn me and threaten me. This was not the plan Emeka.
Emeka: I told you to make up your mind but you won’t! I didn’t know what to do I was running out of time.
Me: Emeka, Ronke can’t go to TK with these allegations. I already told you the issue I am trying to resolve.
Emeka: Meet me at the Blue Crescent in an hour.
Me: This is not the time for dates Emeka. Please go and apologize to Ronke.
Emeka: I need to talk to you first.

Me: Ok I will meet you in an hour but you get only thirty minutes of my time.
I went upstairs to get ready for my meeting with Emeka. I knew I was being reckless but I also knew the only way to get Emeka to appease Ronke was to see him face to face. I couldn’t effectively convince him on the phone.
I carefully selected my outfit and made sure I was looking really good…I am not usually manipulative but I had to make an exception in this case. I called TK to confirm his whereabouts to avoid running into him. He didn’t pick, I figured he was still mad at me.
I got into my car and headed to my meeting with Emeka.
I had to wait for Emeka for a few minutes when I got there and I was so irritated by the time he showed up and I just wanted to leave.
Me: Make this quick.
Emeka: This is it. My cards are on the table. What is your decision, now that you know I am serious about my proposal? Me: I haven’t made up my mind. Emeka: Does your husband love you?

Me: Yes
Emeka: Does he make you happy?
I paused and then said “Sometimes”
Emeka: Do you love me?
Me: Yes
Emeka: Do you think I can make you happy?
Me: Yes
Emeka: So what next?
Me: I don’t know.

Emeka: I’m not going anywhere this time Angel, and as for Ronke she can do her worst. I want you. No one else.
Our meeting ended in a fight as usual and no action plan. I made my way to the car in a film of tears; I needed to talk to someone. I was so confused I didn’t know what to do. When I got to the car I saw a piece of paper under my wipers. I was about to toss it away thinking it was a flier when I noticed the letters were cut from a magazine. My mystery friend was back. This time the note read…

“Naughty…Naughty! Skeletons don’t like wardrobes”.
Was I being followed? Was it Ronke stalking me? With her recent threats I was scared this was no longer a game. I drove straight to TK’s office. I decided maybe it was time to tell him everything before things got out of hand. When I got there everyone else had left but his car was still in the compound, even his driver wasn’t there. I went straight to his office and I heard a female voice I instantly recognized coming from the office, I couldn’t believe my ears but as soon as I opened the door, I confirmed my suspicions. Standing in the middle of the office with TK in what seemed to be a very heated argument was a heavily pregnant Banke!