Influence is not control; it’s about connection. The closer we are to someone both personally and physically, the greater our influence over them becomes. We exert influence just by being ourselves, through our words and actions. It’s a constant presence in our lives, but we have a choice to influence for good or for bad not forgetting that someone is always watching.
To truly be a person of influence, you need to be in tune with your intuition and possess a strong sense of self. It’s being able to hold a mirror up to yourself for accountability while also having a window to look out of to offer praise and encouragement. You have to be resilience, bounce back from setbacks and ignore the noise of opposition. Ultimately, you must be driven and fully persuaded by purpose, with the ability to inspire others to take positive action.
As a mother, I recently told a friend that while I believe the bare minimum I can do for my children is to provide for them, my biggest focus is to influence them in a way that truly brings out the best in them. I show up on my worst days as well as my best, I don’t hide my flaws as they are layers of my strength. I demonstrate integrity by keeping my promises because I’m their first teacher, coach, and cheerleader. I aim to illuminate their path, helping them understand that popularity and being desired aren’t the ultimate goals, instead, it’s about being a person of impact and living out their true beliefs that they too can influence others, even without social authority. In our home, we have a saying “There’s always a way out, and authority is irrelevant.”
During our regular family Sunday lunch, we take the time to reflect on our week. We discuss what went well, celebrating our successes and the moments that we really enjoyed. We also look at the challenges we faced, sharing any mistakes we made and who supported us.
Our preferred approach to influence is collaborative and inspiring. We’ve discovered that even the youngest among us, without yet having credibility, possesses the power to influence authentically. She has allies in her brothers who believe in her and support her. These brothers are her go to support throughout the week, as they understand her needs. Mindset is shaped by exposure, and our environment can either uplift us or hold us back which leads to a failure to influence others.
A person of influence genuinely wants to see others succeed. They actively help, rather than simply extending good wishes. They show up, advocate, and confront you with the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable. Influence begins with understanding; it’s not about being nice but rather about being respectful. Influence is suggestive, not coercive or manipulative. It’s about considering what could be if you shift from self-centric power to a distributed power that affects outcomes and extends reach, empowering small steps that, over time, build a reliable track record. Leaders who consistently act as bridges gain the most influence. This influence multiplies when people see flexibility, feel trusted and connected.
In this landscape, influence can move beyond gender is the currency any woman can use in leadership as it becomes more about behavior and reputation. Our image follows us everywhere, and there’s a saying “You are a tree, but your reputation is the shadow that it casts.” That shadow is bigger than you think.
Take a moment to ask yourself: What do others think and say about me? How do they feel when I’m around? Do their eyes light up? What is my reputation? Reflecting on these questions can uncover the true quality of your influence.
Stephen is a Luxury Real Estate Advisor advocating for women’s financial freedom.
