A Journey to Self-Discovery: How to Decentre Men in Your Life

While relationships are a vital part of our society and essential to our growth—whether we’re catching up with old friends or engaging in small talk with a colleague—they often become the focal point of our lives. As adults, it’s crucial to continue investing in relationships, but we must also decentre them when they cause us to lose sight of ourselves.

Decentring men does not diminish their importance in our lives or society; rather, it shifts the focus back to our own narratives, experiences, and aspirations.

The journey of decentring men begins with self-reflection and introspection. As women, we must challenge the narratives that seek to limit our potential and critique the societal constructs that confine and marginalise us. This is not about resenting men; it’s about embracing our personal values and authenticity—starting with self-love and identifying what truly brings us happiness.

READ ALSO: 6 Steps To Self-love 

In many cultures, women are often raised with limiting beliefs— taught not to be too ambitious. The reason often cited is that “men need to feel needed.” They are conditioned to prioritise having a husband first, believing that being “too successful” will deter potential suitors.

For some women, life can feel meaningless without a significant other. This isn’t about devaluing the joy of partnership; rather, the period of being single should focus on self-discovery, not solely on seeking a partner.

READ ALSO: A transformative path to self-discovery and personal growth

Conversations among friends should extend beyond a sole focus on men. By fostering supportive communities where women uplift one another, empower their voices, and celebrate individuality, we create an atmosphere for diverse discussions. When women invest in their own growth, their potential knows no bounds.

Moreover, the media has played a significant role in why some women centre their lives around men. Romance novels, films, and songs have perpetuated unrealistic and often toxic ideals and expectations of relationships from childhood. Men in movies are nothing like the men in real life; life isn’t a fairytale, and real men are far from perfect.

If you make a man the centre of your life, he will likely never meet your expectations. And hat’s perfectly acceptable. He is human too. Love yourself enough that your sense of worth isn’t tied to anyone else. Do not wait for anyone to validate you; that is your responsibility!

What if our conversations shifted from the male gaze to pursuing career goals, building solid friendships, and finding ourselves? Life is a rich tapestry woven from friendships, careers, family, and diverse interests. Why limit ourselves to just one aspect?

Create your own framework of happiness

It’s easy to lose ourselves in a patriarchal system built on male dominance and female subjugation. However, remember that you are human, shaped by learned behaviours. Unlearning these habits requires patience with yourself on your journey to self-discovery.

This process demands sheer courage and a steadfast commitment to peeling back the layers of conditioning that have shaped our beliefs and behaviours. But do it anyway.

Create your own framework of happiness. Further your education, find your league, start that business, buy that house, get that car, and go on that trip. Challenge the status quo. Wear your short natural hair, do your makeup because you love it, and dress simply. Set high standards for yourself and maintain boundaries with confidence. Love yourself enough to have zero interest in men who are not actively and passionately pursuing you.

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate.” – Carl Jung.