Processing your emotions the right way

It’s very normal to experience different emotions at different times. It’s also totally normal to feel anxious, angry, or frustrated a little bit. These emotions make us human, and we can’t run away from them.
So how do you handle these emotions when they come? Processing your emotions helps you understand and manage them better. This article provides guidance on how you can correctly process the emotions you don’t feel comfortable with, rather than simply coping with them:

Observe and identify your feelings

When you feel a particular emotion, observe what it is and identify what you’re feeling. Be specific in your description. If the emotion is anxiety, frustration, or sadness, state it, but do not label it as bad or terrible. Doing so will only worsen whatever feeling it is. Instead, describe them: “I feel tight in my chest” or “I feel discomfort in my stomach.”

Observe without outright conclusion

Pay attention to your physical sensations—racing heart, clenched jaw, or unusual heaviness. Observe your thoughts, but do not believe them. For example, instead of saying, “She is mocking me,” rethink it: “I have the thought that she is mocking me.” By doing this, you are not affirming the thought but merely stating what you think at the moment. “The most important part of observing our emotions is letting go of judgment,” says Emma McAdam, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Utah.

Be willing to feel

Feel the emotions. Don’t try to suppress them. Write about them, talk them out, or diagram your thoughts. Talking about how you feel will lessen your worries and can provide relief from them. Ask clarifying questions like, “Am I in danger?” or “What message does this feeling hold for me?” Distinguish between real threats and overreactions, like smoke from cooking or fries in the kitchen.

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Challenge thoughts

Examine what’s making things worse. Are cognitive distortions, negative beliefs, or popular norms and conventions influencing your emotions? Recognize unhelpful thought patterns or teachings that have promoted such emotions and challenge them. Remember that humans are the creators of norms and beliefs; they didn’t come to be on their own. Also, the world is changing with time, so any belief that does not seem to align with today’s times can be challenged.

Choose action and acceptance

Focus on what’s within your control. Let go of what you can’t control. Use tools like the Serenity Prayer or clarify your values to guide your next steps. Act by doing something that aligns with your values, and accept what you can’t change. Calm your body and redirect your energy.

Processing emotions the right way takes practice and time. Talk to people who can help when you experience an emotion you cannot name or describe. Read books that speak to the emotions you’re dealing with. If you still can’t handle it on your own, consult a therapist for expert guidance.