Steps Parents Miss While Raising Children

Parenting in this part of the world has often been miscalculated. It has remained stagnant as it was from time immemorial. Guess what? Though the times have changed, the style of raising children hasn’t, and this is affecting output as a family and children growing up in the society and immediate environment at large. Surely, it is time parents changed with tides too, however, not neglecting the old and proven ways.

According to Lagos Mums, a site that explains more on the psychology of parenting, the Nigerian ‘modern’ parenting style is unique and no one size fits all. Parents have high expectations for their children woven in with unique culture. A modern parent is more ‘friendly’ while administering expectations for the child, because a premium has been placed on proper communication.

To raise a well-rounded adult, parents need to be intentional about the type of children they want to raise. There are portions of the country’s culture that are wholesome and should be passed on; while there are certain parts that do not serve. However, we must do better for future generations.
Overindulgence will be a disadvantage to your child, but not being emotionally available will also not yield the right result in the future. Parenting in the digital age demands that successful parents are aware of what is going on; know what their children have access to and spend time imparting the important values.

Many children grow into adults with misplaced priorities and are lost in the wide world of making decisions. Some lose their worth because somewhere, somehow, their parents have lost the process of true child upbringing. Although this isn’t to say there aren’t exceptional cases of children who have gone to be better adults, even without passing through phases, these stages are important and have helped make parenting easy, at a time when everything seems to be filled with negativity.
These stages have been categorised into four: the Seeing/Acting, the Listening, The Talking and the Hearing. Every stage is important in the personal growth of a child, and parents should carefully use them to better their lives and make the world a better place for the entire human race.

The Seeing Stage
What do we mean when we say the seeing stage, well, every child has his or her own differences and the child grows in different shapes and sizes, and importantly, learns differently. Therefore, the stage when a child learns from what he or she sees is very important, as well as, others too. During this period every child learns from what they see, not what they hear, they learn from what their mothers wear, from what their fathers wear.
Every child learns from what the father shows them, and what their mothers do as well in their presence as long as their eyes can see. At this stage, most parents neglect the power of sight; they scold their kids and caution them with words, when in actual sense the children are careless, about what they say but rather what they see.

When a mother wears a skimpy dress, and the father hits the mother with reckless abandon, during times of argument, or even in the society they belong to when they see older children do dirty things without caution not hiding it from the community, the child believes such acts are good. Therefore, irrespective of what the parents say to such a child about ills surrounding them, in most cases, and at this stage, the children won’t learn anything.

The Listening Stage
This stage deals with a child’s ability to listen to everything around him/her. Here it’s not about what they see alone, it’s about what they hear, parents often do not care, they speak anyhow; and rudely about anyone, especially their partners.
Parents need to understand the development process of their children who currently go through these phases. When a father rains abuse on his wife, the child picks it up and feels it’s a normal thing, when a mother does the same and says disrespectful things about her husband and everyone who offends her, the child feels it’s the appropriate way to respond to such situations.

This continues to create an insulting society and children who see abuse and insults as a normal trend, and we can see such kids around us.
Parents need to start watching what they say in the presence of their kids, and how to speak to people also. If you do not know the stage your child is in, then generally speak positively in their presence and even outside, if others are doing otherwise, such children will get home and explain what they have experienced to you.

The Talking Stage
This period is vital, and unfortunately, most parents do not care. While the child has seen and heard a lot of things, it’s time for them to speak, but parents often shun them and give them many excuses and whatnot.
The child needs to share his/her opinion on a certain discussion. The child wants to tell you how his/her day went, the things she saw, and the things he heard people talk about. This stage is delicate because it’s the best time to correct and assist them before they make irrevocable decisions. Even more, they grow to become children who don’t care about other people.

The talking stage affords parents to even correct themselves on certain issues, they get to know the secrets their kids are keeping from them, and they also get to know how confident and how scared their children are. Parents should start learning to give a listening heart to their children when it’s time for them to talk before they shut them off forever.
Child psychologist, Carlos Shafer, said every child comes with a problem or challenge, but he gave some steps to deal with and analysed some problems parents often neglect, this has been made short in the following ways and according to what the children exhibit.
-Throwing tantrums or disobeying could be a cry for attention. Try to spend as much time as possible with the child. Children can be frustrated even when playing when they are unable to understand how to do something. Parental help during playing can prevent this frustration. The child could be bored too when left alone.

-Often, little children behave annoyingly. Ignore this as long as it does not cause any physical harm. In a while, the child will get tired of acting up.
-Do not get into arguments. Remember, it takes two for a fight. Children, just like the rest of us, hate losing face, and if the child is of a strong temperament, more so. Offer choices. A smart child generally would accept the alternate way.
-Respect the child’s wishes. You don’t always have to get your way. If a child doesn’t like pink, then so be it; get her orange or whatever colour she likes.

-Praise – something that most parents take for granted and what a child often craves. Praise is a reward that we can bestow on our child for being “good”. Praising or thanking a child for sharing, working hard or for her good manners is one of the easiest ways to turn a stubborn child around.
On the other hand, some parents revel in their “strong-willed” child. “Oh, she is so smart! She is so passionate! You should have heard what she said the other day!” While you mustn’t crush the spirit of a child, you should lay down some ground rules for behaviour and ensure that he or she sticks to them.
A smart child would take advantage of an easygoing parent. When the child realizes that there is not going to be any consequence for bad behaviour, he will completely ignore the rules set by the parents.

We should note that this isn’t the only parameter to measure child growth and development, but a way through which we can start doing simple things right before they become complex.
When followed correctly, the job of parenting is made easier, there is already a lot of trouble waiting for Nigerian parents and intending ones too, therefore understanding the stages discussed above would rather make it easier to raise our wards. And as we juggle daily work and raising responsible children, this will surely go a long way to ease our affairs.