Love: What Actually Does It Mean?

MANY have lost their God-given chances because of this word, love. Many have missed angels sent into their lives just because they allowed themselves to be carried away by the endless profession of this word, love. I have seen men lose wonderful women because, to them, they are not all over them, kissing and cuddling along the road. So many women have lost very homely and good men because they didn’t look like what they read in romance books. 

  Women, especially, get lured into believing that those fantasies they read about in fairy tale books are real, forgetting that certain things are for the imagination alone. 

 Years ago, it took persistence and hard work to get a woman to believe that she is really loved by a man; that was when marriage had a reasonable meaning. Now, marriage has moved from being a covenant to a contract and so the true meaning of love has been watered down for human convenience. All it takes is for a woman to profess endless love and show the man every curvy part of her body and voom…marriage happens. All it takes is for the woman to have a glimpse of his possessions and that’s it. People now go into marriage with a prenuptial agreement and I always ask; is this marriage or some Nollywood actors cohabiting? 

 Nobody cares to ask and think about the future; nobody cares to know what that person would be as a spouse and a parent. Things have really gone haywire in this generation and that is why you find some preachers even use the word, “for better for better, in health and prosperity…”; they do this making their blind followers to believe that it is faith. Hear this Mr/Ms. Preacher; making a profession of faith is different from taking a vow and that is called “exchange of marital vows.”

 It’s unfortunate that women have lost their place in humanity; it is sad to see how far we’ve gone to trample on the pride of womanhood. But one thing is clear; real women still exist and they are holding on, firmly, to the ancient landmarks. Now, women are even encouraged to go out there, find, and propose to a man; what a shame. And some stupidly believe it is civilization. When a man is ready to find, he goes all out for it.

  Guys, don’t bother so much about a woman being crazily in love with you from the onset. A good number of real women don’t just fall head-over-heels in love with a man from the onset. Men love and take home to mama. A woman first likes you (forget all the “I love you at the beginning); she likes you and decides to go into marriage with you. It is what you do to her in marriage that determines how much love you get from her. In fact, it’s in marriage you get to know if truly there is love.   

  Men fall in love easier than real women. Once a man sees you and likes what he sees, he begins to think of two things -take her home to mama or sleep with her and move on. And I keep telling women, no matter how much you think you love his six-packs and pocket; no matter your level of desperation for marriage, please make sure he loves you more than you love him. You are safer when a man loves you more than you do because your love as a woman grows more in marriage (women are naturally wired that way) while his either remains stagnant or diminishes. 

  My dear brothers, for a woman, it’s GiGo. She wants to see all those love you profess being put to practice in marriage. She wants to be assured that truly, she’s one with you. She wants to know that it is “our home” and not “his home” where she’s locked out over every misunderstanding. She wants to know that you would defend her even when your family finds it strange. She wants to see a man who would pamper her into cooking his favourite meal instead of shouting at her for food and sex. Her entire being will naturally yield to you when you love her aright. 

   You may think you love her; are you loving her the way she wants to be loved? I have male clients who tell me how much they’ve done for the wife and how she doesn’t appreciate it. Even along the road, we hear men talk about women being ungrateful, leaving them after they trained her in school and setting up a good business for her. 

  Now my question: Did you assist her in school just because you want to marry her? Then you never loved her. You got her admission and insisting on her studying a course of your choice, not what she likes; don’t you think you are selfish? And what makes you think she wouldn’t have gone to school if you hadn’t married her? She probably would have had a PhD. 

  Talk about business; what if she wanted a white-collar job in her field of study? The business you opened for her, is that what she wants? Are you sure she’s not doing it just to please you? Friendship is important here. 

  Don’t try to love her the way your ex- girlfriend liked to be loved. Study her person and discover what does it for her. Don’t just take her out; ask her where she wants to go. Don’t just make plans for the two of you without putting into consideration her likes. You may think you are giving her some good time by taking her to Europe while she may be someone like me who likes it in The Gambia, Cape Verde and Zanzibar. You take her to Wheatbaker Hotel; it’s possible she likes Whispering Palms in Badagry. You take her to Golden Gate; it’s possible she likes roasted yam with utazi or grilled fish.