What Did You Get For Valentine’s Day

I WANT to first share with you how I spent my Valentine’s Day. To be honest, I spent it in my pyjamas, in my bed, in my room with my cousin, watching movies, gisting, eating junk, sleeping, etc. 

  I think I gained two kilograms that day. It was so exciting. It was a day free of dieting. 

 So, the big romance day of this year has come and gone. The commercial world was full of red and white and cupids and love. Our private hearts were full of hope and expectation. Would he propose? Would she say yes? Did he think of me? Was there an expression of love, candlelight, bottle of wine, a box of chocolates? 

  So many movies and the media highlight that this is the season of joy or pain. Joy if you are in a successful romantic relationship, and pain if you are not.   

  No matter which category you are in, it is likely that your romantic expectations arise from our incredibly “love” focused society. We so thoroughly celebrate being in love that many of us come to not only expect it, but also believe we are entitled to it. 

  But thinking that you ought to have romance or that you deserve a desirable partner doesn’t make it happen. The very language surrounding being in love seems to emphasise its chance nature: “falling,” “head over heels,” “losing one’s head,” “bewitched,” “swept off your feet.”

  In almost any other area of life, a desired outcome requires careful planning and hardwork. Why should a successful romantic relationship demand anything less? We need to ask ourselves that. 

  The terms above would seem ridiculous in any other context: “I am head over heels about being a medical doctor; the idea of being a lawyer has bewitched me; I have lost my head about becoming wealthy.” 

  Often, we don’t know what to do after we “fall” for someone! There are clear paths to achieving wealth or becoming a lawyer or doctor. Are there some parallels in the search for romance? What if romance was not the point or the goal? 

  But instead, what if romance was the result of other relationship success factors? After all, a personally rewarding career is the result of experience, education and appropriate fit. 

  Now, the path to romance begins with self-assessment. Rather than seeking that special someone, the first step is to know yourself and love yourself. That is to determine whether you yourself are relationship-ready. 

  Take personal inventory of your strengths, neutral qualities (such as age, height, ethnicity) that may influence your choice of a partner, as well as negative qualities that may challenge a relationship. 

  For the positive qualities, pat yourself on the back and continue to grow in those areas. For the areas that are neutral, just be aware of them and how they may impact choices.

  The negative qualities will require more time. Let us say you are habitually critical. That quality will seriously challenge any relationship. You have two options: Remain as you are and suffer a string of unsuccessful relationships or decide to change. 

  But how do you change? You start by considering what is the opposite of criticism, such as “expressions of appreciation.” 

  If you become habitually appreciative, seeking the good in others, you position yourself for wonderful relationships.

Try and get a small notepad for your bag, acquire an accountability person that you meet with each day you go out to hang out for the first month, note as you begin a criticism. Stop yourself and make a compliment instead. 

  Write down (in your notepad) each instance. Review your progress every time with your accountability person.

  Now, you may catch only two of 20 criticisms on the first day and only be able to come up with a compliment once. Fine! The next day you might go three and two. By the end of the month, your friends will notice the difference. By the end of a year, you will habitually be seeking the good in others and supporting and affirming them. 

  The new you will attract many more romantic possibilities than the old you.

  The effort to understand yourself, to be willing to grow and to study relationships will greatly increase the odds of finding an extraordinary love that endures and grows ever richer. After all, isn’t that much sweeter than a box of chocolates or a bottle of wine?

  To the loving relationship we all deserve, good luck in love and life. Cheers!