Personally Yours

WE all need time and space to ourselves. What individuals do with this space and time varies. The amount people need also varies. The problem starts, however, when you don’t have enough, as some symptoms begin to manifest.

  Perhaps you feel overwhelmed or irritated when other people are around.

  Perhaps you feel overwhelmed by the demands people make, or by the demand you feel they might make.

  Perhaps you feel hemmed in. You feel you have little choice over what you do.

  All these are signs that you are not getting enough personal space or the necessary privacy and you should start thinking about what next to do to address the situation.

  Personal space signifies that place that is particularly yours. Your own room, littered with your own things, and as you want them. It is a place where you can utterly be yourself. Here, you are free to do what you like— write poetry or compose a song, if you are so inclined, talk to yourself, do a little jig, kick your legs in the air or even pick your nose without fear of interruption.

  Most people, however, live their lives in close proximity to others. Bedrooms are shared with flat-mates or spouses. Houses are shared with family and friends. Most workplaces by definition involve the presence of others. The demands of work itself often prevent privacy. And all around is just filled with so many others.

  On our travels to and from work, we stand or sit jammed against the rest of humanity on buses, trains and traffic jams. Actually, physical space that is truly your own can be hard to come by. For many people, the nearest they get to it is the lavatory or a precious half hour in the bath.

  Yet a bit of privacy, where you can give all your attention to yourself, is essential for emotional health. It is a time when you think about the day’s events, fantasise, day-dream, let your thoughts wander where they will or solve problems in your imagination. 

  And as a matter of course, you just have to find a way to carve out time for this privacy from your very tight schedule.

  Before you think about how much personal space you need, it can be useful to look at how much you have at the moment. A rule-of-thumb guide is to look at how much time you spend on your own doing something for yourself. You can check this out by keeping a diary, which you fill in at the end of each day.

Calm Someone

When you see a look of panic cross a loved one’s face, offer something that will have an immediate impact: your hand.

  Perhaps it’s instinct to do that anyway. But now there’s a hand-holding case to back it up.

  In a recent study, the touch of a loved one’s had real power, in times of crisis. Brain scans of people under duress revealed that threat-related brain activity diminished when a loved one grabbed your hand.

  Here’s more good news about supportive relationships.

  Cultivating good relationships brings lots of perks, not the least of which is stress reduction for both parties. If you’ve ever cozied up to a companion during a scary movie, you know the feeling.

  But the calming influence extends far beyond horror-movie moments. A good friend or family member can also help talk you through real-life troubles, or they can just be a comforting physical presence during tough times.

  An additional benefit of stress-reducing social connections? A better immune system, which means a lower risk of infection and faster healing.

  Has there ever been a better reason to reach out and touch someone?

RealAge Benefit: Visiting friends during times when they are stressed can make your RealAge eight years younger.

•Courtesy: RealAge